Life update + SECOND BOOK

Life’s been pretty busy but also stale at the same time. It’s the same old routine, rinse and repeat, over and over.

I love routines but they can get quite dull after months of it. Do I blame the lockdowns and staying inside or is it me not wishing to do anything? At this point, I’m not sure. But I do know that I’m tired of it.

So this summer, I have decided to (safely) go out and do things. What sort of things? Pretty much just eat at food trucks and go for walks. Spend more time with my dad, be more intentional with my energy and be more present.

It’s exciting, right? I feel a spark of excitement after months of feeling anxious over life or nothing at all.

My first poetry book was published in March and it was both exhilarating and unnerving. I wrote it during such a painful period in my life and it was (and still is) extremely personal to me. But it was time to release it into the wild and let it go. When I have bad days, I read a few poems and know just how far I’ve come.

My second poetry book is set to be released next month. It was ready in April but I wasn’t ready to let it go. I tend to feel like I need to rush things but also hold them back at the same time. What a conundrum. But I’m ready now. This collection is a sequel (of sorts) to my first collection. Whereas my first book is dark and delves into one’s mental health and loneliness, this collection focuses on one’s light and resilience. Darkness and light. I wrote it during recovery threeish years ago and I am immensely proud of it.

It’s odd to publish my years-long journey from illness to recovery through poetry and let the world in on it. But I wouldn’t change a thing.

Anyways, I’m alive. I hope you’re well. Thanks for looking.

A.

AnnieLeave a comment

Release Day

The day is here! The Absence of You has finally been released and it has now sunk in. I’m both excited and nervous that my book is available for others to read. I feel like celebrating but am probably going to watch a movie and work on my newest poetry collection instead.

Thank you to everyone who has purchased my book. Thank you to everyone who has read it. And thank you to my friends and my dad for supporting me so greatly.

Take care of yourself.

AnnieLeave a comment

Here.

My author’s copy came in the mail today and it’s starting to finally sink in now. I’m still feeling a little numb to the fact that in a few weeks, The Absence of You will be released but holding the book in my hands is changing that. I did want to cry when I opened the envelope and pulled it free. In my hands are a few years worth of pain and misery and it feels great that I’m no longer keeping it to myself.

I’m going to spend the rest of the day trying not to grin like a fool and walk around holding my book. Instead, I’m going to treat myself to some self-care and just be in the moment.

I hope you are well.

AnnieLeave a comment

Hi there

As I write this, it’s snowing outside and quite cold. I’m staying inside today, more out of laziness than anything else. But it’s nice to have a snow-day. I wish we had them more often.

My book is set to be released in early March and it still hasn’t sunk in yet. I’m walking around in a daze, trying to feel something–anything–about its upcoming release. I’ve always wanted to be a published author, it has been a constant dream of mine since I was a child. But now that it’s finally happening, I’m surprised I haven’t broken down into tears of relief and happiness. Maybe it’s because I don’t have the author’s copy in my hands yet or maybe reality will come later. I’m not sure. I just hope I don’t burst into happy tears when I’m grocery shopping. I’ve cried in the back of Ubers before and I don’t wish to repeat experience again.

Writing The Absence of You has been a journey. A long and arduous one. I began to write the poems a few years ago when I was in the deepest of depressions and during my darkest of days. It was a brutal time for me and I’m still surprised and proud that I survived it all. It was hard and raw and the walls of my bedroom became my best friend. During this period, I lost quite a few friends, alienated myself, and disappeared from my own life. To put it succinctly, it was awful.

I never intended to publish these poems–so painful and raw that I wonder if I’m doing the right thing. But I need to speak my truth and honour myself and everything that I’ve overcome. I’m scared of releasing The Absence of You into the wild world but I was pregnant with it for so long that it’s time now. With bittersweet grief, I’m going to deliver it and let go.

I’m better now. Better than I’ve ever been in my entire life. I still struggle and I still have some pretty brutally hard days but I’m learning to appreciate them for what they are and how my good days are brighter because of them.

I hope you are well and taking care of yourself.

AnnieLeave a comment